too bad you live with your parents still
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
