Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
