Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
