Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
