One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
