My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
