I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
