I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
