when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
