when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
we made out on top of his cat.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
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