gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
