worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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