They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
sick fucks of a feather flock together
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
