I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
