Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
