Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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