do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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