I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
