doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Panties = found
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
