Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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