I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
