I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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