I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
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