I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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