Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
