but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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