I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
