i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Randomize
