Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
