And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
