i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
