The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
