A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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