Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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