If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
