I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
