I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Randomize
