Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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