I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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