I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
