Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
