Three words: puerto rican gang bang
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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