yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
