chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
