drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
