North Korea, Best Korea!
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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