So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
