In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
