Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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