he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
