They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I could fuck to npr.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
