i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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