I'm eating all of the evidence.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
