Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
