someone get that fucking seahorse.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
