o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
